I’m Officially Dating a Crazy Cat Lady

Let me just say right now that I am not a cat person. I’m ok with cats, and I’ll pet them or whatever, but I don’t want to own one. The boy, however, has a cat. I didn’t even know the thing had a name until a few weeks ago, because he only calls it “Kitty.” So does his older brother. They love the damn cat.

So far, Noah (“Kitty’s” actual name) likes me but he won’t show it if the boy is around because he’s a cat and cats are assholes like that. So he makes fun of me, like I give a shit if the cat likes me or not, and says Noah hates me. Yes, babe, he totally does. Yawn.  Last night, though, this whole cat thing went way too far. I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed and Noah was in the sink, so I said, “Hey cat, get out. Go.” And he left. Because I am in charge here. From the bedroom, I hear the boy:

TB: That’s why he doesn’t like you.

Me: Probably. I’m getting ready for bed. He needs to get out of the sink.

TB: He’s thirsty.

Me: So? He has a water bowl.

TB: He doesn’t like it. He won’t use it. It’s not running water. Turn on the sink for him.

Me: No. Let him get thirsty enough and he’ll use his bowl. He’s a CAT, not a child.

TB: And let his water get stagnant?! He doesn’t like it. He’d rather drink out of the toilet than use his bowl.

Me: Whatever, he still needs to get the hell out of the sink when I’m using it.

TB: God.

He then proceeded to get all huffy because I removed an animal from the sink so I could brush my teeth. An animal with a full bowl of water approximately 5 feet away. I don’t care if the cat “doesn’t like” his bowl. Generally speaking, I wish he’d stay out of the sink even when I’m not using it, but as I mentioned earlier, cats are assholes. This is why I have a dog. She may prefer the sandwich I’m eating but when she realizes she’s not getting it, she eats her dog food. Noah would probably give me the stink eye and starve himself until TB makes him a steak.

I’d guess that would take about a day…my boyfriend, the crazy cat lady.


Oh um…since it’s TMIT, my leg smells like semen today. That’s not a good enough reason for me to take another shower 3 hours after the first one, though, so jiz leg it is. There you go. TMI.