Some Things About Which I Will Now Tell You

That title just sounds fancier than “Some shit’s been happening so I thought I’d write about it or something.” I’m FANCY. In my pantsy. Wow, that sounds sissy as hell. I ain’t a sissy. I will punch your mother if you say otherwise. (Please someone confiscate my coffee.) I’ve regressed to just making sounds. Instead of coherent sentences, I’m sitting here thinking and it sounds like this: “Woopty woop pew pew pew pew guns! Dinosaur raaaawr VELOCIRAPTOR HANDS (at which point I make velociraptor hands) do re mi fa so la ti da I wonder if that’s on Netflix instant a doe a deer.”

You get the idea. NOTHING IS MAKING SENSE. Not even to me. In other words, it’s a pretty normal Monday.

Anypayingformyownhosting, since I bought the damn site – side note, why did I do that? – I thought maybe at some point I should get my money’s worth. The big fat however is that I’m not feeling terribly inspired. I’m happy though, at least about 90%, which is pretty solid. So maybe I’m only inspired by depression and poop? If that’s the case, I’d gladly stop writing forever because that sucks. The depression, not the poop. I still enjoy doing that. As much as one can enjoy an essential bodily function, which is a LOT, let me tell you.

Dear god I’m way off track again. Back to the point. The boy and I officially split up a couple weeks ago, which you probably all know from following me on twitter. He “doesn’t want a relationship but maybe will in a few months” which, translated from his language means, “I don’t want a girlfriend during snowboarding season but when that’s done, I’d like for you to still be around.” Um. No. I’m way better in bed than a snowboard. Can a snowboard make lasagna? I would like to see it try. So, you know, it took me a little bit to balls up and just end it, even though I knew it was pretty much over as of New Years.

After all that nonsense I was all “Self, let’s give this online dating thing a fair shot, since we’re not meeting anyone besides younguns at the bar.” In the past, I’ve signed up for a site, gotten a couple of decent emails and 102 stupid ones (“HAY GURL U FINE WANNA PARTY?!” No thank you.) and then been too overwhelmed to continue. This time I decided to actually commit to meeting at least one person. Once again, I only had a couple of promising emails but I figured even if nothing came of it, at least I tried. And then I got one from a guy whose profile was, frankly, pretty boring, but his email was funny and he was cute and he has a minpin, which is good because it means he won’t hate on my dog. And then we chatted for a couple of hours and ZOMG he actually asked me for my number instead of emailing back and forth forever.

We went out to lunch on Saturday and it was easily the best date I’ve been on in…forever. That’s all I’ll say about it because I don’t want to jinx anything but he seems really great. So yay.

The only other important thing that happened this weekend is that THE COLTS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL!! Woot woot!

And we’re back to the noises. Sigh. It’s good to be back.